Winding down

I think our ride on the NICU roller coaster is approaching the end.  Langston was moved to the step down unit last night, and we couldn't be more excited.  The step down unit is the last stop before coming home. 

Langston has made great progress and our final step is the bottle feeding.  Langston's gestational age today is 36 weeks.  Generally babies don't develop the "suck,swallow, and breathe" reflex until they reach 37 weeks gestationally, so Langston has a ways to go.  We're pretty proud of him though because he has made great strides during his time in the NICU.  Once our sweet boy is able to take all full feedings by mouth we will be getting ready to bring him home.  This mommy can't wait!

Dreaming of coming home!

My Pocket Full of Sunshine

These pictures make me happy!  Langston is truly my pocket full of sunshine!

NICU Roller Coaster

Langston remained on the vent for 1 week and a day.  It was really comforting when he finally removed, but we remained nervous because we didn't want him extubated until he was ready.  After being removed from the vent on the 30th, Langston's health remained pretty steady. He went from the vent back to his Vapotherm. He was swollen throughout his time on the vent and several weeks after.  However, we hit a pretty decent peak with he was placed in an open crib on May 4th.  Here's some pictures of my sweet boy his first night in his crib.

He did pretty well his first night. The main requirement for being in an open crib is not being on a ventilator and being able to keep a normal body temp.  My sweet boy did fantastic and has been in an open crib ever since. 

On Sunday the 6th, Langston started full feedings.  He did really well.   Progress was definitely being made.  

Up next my second baby shower for Langston..........

First Baby Shower and Such

While the doctors dealt with Langston's infection, the hubby and I made plans for my return to work.  We originally planned for me to take a semester off from work, but after Langston made his debut a little early, our plans changed.  Plus it was highly recommended by my doctor for me to return to work while Langston was in the NICU.  They felt that a routine was best for us, and I agreed.  I needed to get my mind off of worrying about my son.  Not that I didn't worry every second of the day, but having work occupy my mind helped me deal with things.

While I was work, Langston was on antibiotics for 10 days while fighting the infection and had to be taken off his feedings.  During this time, Langston received his nutrition thru his IV.  He did gain some weight, but not as much as he would have if his feedings weren't stopped.

To celebrate my return to work (not really), my co-workers and friends threw me a fantastic work shower. It was scheduled for the Wednesday, the 11th, before I returned to work. It was held in the school library and it was really nice. I got several items for Langston including his high chair.  I was so overwhelmed by the love of my co-workers.  Their constant prayers, thoughts, and emails were so nice and encouraging.

It was beautifully done and was inspired by the elephant theme of Langston's nursery.  I am so thankful to Mary, Tara, Liz, and Kirsten for hosting my work shower. 

My return to work was on April 16th.  I had a difficult time coming back to work, but it was truly for the best.  It was a little stressful but I made it work, and I was still able to see my sweet boy each day. I was even able to be at the hospital when Langston was transported to the NICU at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.  I was told very suddenly while holding Langston that he and a few of his friends at Stalhman were being moved to Children's.  I was assured that this move was a good thing, as Children's is the final stop before coming home.  We were so excited about this peak on the roller coaster.

 Between the move to Children's and my return to work, my sweet precious boy celebrated his 1 month birthday.  The hubby and I wanted to celebrate our sweet boy and honor the nurses that take such good care of our sweet boy. We purchased cupcakes from Sam's (I don't bake very well), and placed a sweet poem written by my friend and co-worker Mary in honor of Langston's 1 month birthday.

On the 21st, Langston had his 2nd transfusion.  He was having severe apneic spells, and was not wanting to breath.  His blood count was low as well.  He handled his tranfusion well, but Mama and Daddy worry so about him.  We hit a another dip when Langston had to be placed on a ventilator on Sunday, the 22nd.  We called several times on Sunday to find out how Langston was doing, and were waiting on my parents to visit so that we could visit him together.  As we arrived at the hospital, we find Langston's doctors and nursers in his room to inform us that he was placed on a ventilator.  Our sweet boy took several steps back on our path home, and we were so upset.  My sweet boy was tired, and didn't want to breathe anymore.  The doctors were comforting and chose their words wisely while speaking to us.  I asked my parents to step out because I didn't want them to hear things that might upset them.  During this whole ordeal, all I could think about was losing my son.  I prayed without ceasing that God wouldn't take my son.  I even went to the nurses and doctors and asked if my son was in a life or death situation.  Upset doesn't even begin to describe how I was feeling as my son was placed on the ventilator and I watched a machine breathe for my son. 

My sweet boy, swollen, on the ventilator, and an IV in his head.

The Journery So Far...

The journey so far has been comparable to that of a rollercoaster.  Throughout this experience, the doctors and nurses at Vanderbilt have informed us that a preemie baby in the NICU is a rollercoaster.  There are ups and downs, and things can go really well and then sometimes not so much.  The hubby and I have definitely ridden this rollercoaster and still are. We aren't enjoying the dips so much, but we also look forward to the peaks. 

Our first peak with Langston was when he started his feedings.  I began pumping shortly after giving birth, and was so excited to know that I was provided the necessary food for my child.  The doctors made the call to start Langston on breast milk on the 20th of March.  He was doing really well, and tolerated his feedings well.

Our second peak was on the 28th of March, when I got to hold my sweet boy for the first time.  Naturally, I  cried when Langston was removed from his oselette. He was so tiny at 2 lbs 2 ounces.  While I held our sweet son for the first time, I cried softly and watched his put his fingers in his mouth to suck gently.  I held my son for the very first time and it was magical, truly magical.

On March 30th, Langston was put on Vapotherm and removed from the CPAP machine.  Our little guy is feisty and he was determined to get off the Vapotherm machine.  We hated the CPAP machine because his cap so tight on his little head, and you couldn't see his precious face.  We were so excited when he was put on the Vapotherm machine, and Langston was a happier baby with Vapotherm. 

Our peaks were a bit short lived, because on the 31st, we had our first dip.  On March 31st, we received a call that our son needed a blood transfusion.  I had returned to school after having Langston, and my husband called to inform me of the news. I cried while I rushed to the hospital to be by his side. Our good friends, the Adcocks, and my husband's parents came to the hospital to be with us while Langston received the blood he needed.  I was not in a good spot mentally or emotionally during this time, and was not prepared for this dip.  However, the doctors continued to warn us that this was normal. 

On April 4th, we purchased the Langston mobile. I drove a Pontiac G6, and the hubby and I discussed that my car was not conducive to a newborn or growing child.  My daddy, the car expert, gladly tagged along while we car shopped.  We left the lot with this sweet girl.  Meet the Langston Mobile:

She's adorable and we love her. We can't wait to bring him home in his new car!

We hit a another valley on April 5th, when Langston was diagnosed with an infection.  I held him on both the 6th and and 7th to help me deal with the fact that he was sick.  It was later determined that our sweet boy had medically managed NEC, an infection that is common to preemie babies. 

Our dip hit a peak, when I was able to give our sweet baby a bath on the April 9th.  He loved having his hair and face washed, but he hated getting the rest of his body washed.  It is going to be fun bathing him at home.  I heard his cries very clearly for the firs time, and they were perfect.  I had never heard a sweeter cry than the cries of my sweet boy. 

Our sweet boy after his first bath from Mommy!

My first shower and return to work are up next.......

Meet my son

Langston Jett-Edward Johnson

At 26 weeks and 3 days, my son, Langston, was born. It was March 17, 2012 at 4:42 pm.  He weighed 1 pound and 14 ounces and was 13 inches long.  He was immediately intubated with a breathing tube, and wheeled away to Vanderbilt's Stahlman NICU. He was in Bed 1 in Room 1 of the NICU.  Sometime during the night, we aren't sure when, our son was extubated. This means that his breathing tube was removed.  This happened because our son was breathing on his own. We were excited about this milestone, because we were told that he had a 50% chance of surviving. Boy, did our little guy show them.  He survived his first night, but his parents barely.  The first night  was completely overwhelming and unnerving for the hubby and me. We panicked if the phone rang, and the hubby left my room often throughout the night to visit our son at Stahlman. 

Leading up to his birth:
After being moved to the labor and delivery monitoring room, my bleeding increased profusely.  It was determined that I may have an infection, and was then put on antibiotics.  The doctors ordered an ultrasound to determine if baby was head down, and if so, I was having a vaginal delivery!  SAY WHAT!!  I wasn't ready to deliver my son.  It was too soon, it was just too soon, I thought.  But yet again, God's plans are not our own. 

After determining that our sweet boy was head's down, the doctors decided that I was in labor (DUH, MY WHOLE BODY HURTS AND I'M BLEEDING LIKE CRAZY, OF COURSE I'M IN LABOR!!!). The allowed labor to take it's course and I was given an epidural around noon.  I proceeded to dilate, and was given Pitocin to speed up the process.  At 4:38, my husband sent a text to my mother-in-law to let them know I was dilated to 5 and at 4:42 my son entered this world. 

Now before I gave birth to Langston, I was delirious.....not just from the pain, but from the events of the day as well.  Between my mother "coaching" me through the pain, the thoughts of us losing our son, and the sheer fact that I was about to have a baby, I was a basket case.  There are reports of me singing gospel songs as well me screaming at my mother.  I remember some of these things, but not all.  I'm told that this to be expected. 

Being in the hospital, and hearing healthy full term babies being wheeled to their parents' rooms was hard for me.  I kept questioning God, and wondering why I was going through this. I was already so angry with God for all the previous events, and then I realized that being upset with God meant nothing.  He knew what He was doing when he decided that Langston was to be born on that day.  I just had to work through my emotions to discover that.....

The NICU Rollercoaster is up next..........

And it continues

After hearing the news that I would be on bed rest for the remainder of the school year, the doctor also determined that steroid shots would be in my best interest. So on February 29, I received my first dose and on March 01, I received my second shot.  On February 23rd, I went back to the doctor and was put on "moderate" bed rest.  I was allowed to atted my master's class on Saturdays and possibly return to work sometime in April.   This same day, our POD was delivered to our first home and we (my husband and our families) began packing us up.  it was so sad to see all our belongings packed away and my husband and I leaving our first home as a married couple.  It was a very definitive end to our chapter as a family of two and the beginning of our a family of three.  Yet, as the POD was parked in front of our home, I felt our sweet baby boy move and groove to the sounds of the machines.  I remember looking to my husband and saying that Baby LJ likes big trucks.  HA!

March seemed like a good month.  Everyday that I stayed pregnant was progress.  During my bed rest, I planned my entire pregnancy, finished up a class that I was taking for my master's and spending lots of quality time with the baby.  We read books and sang songs, and I ordered lots of cute little items for his nursery. I was feeling good about things, and knew in my heart of hearts that I was delivering a full term, happy, and healthy baby boy in June of this year.

BUT......God's plans are not our own, and on March 13th at 6:19 in the morning, my water broke.  I felt my son move and groove, and he was active for a pretty good length of time.  We called my mom and rushed to Gateway! My best friend, Shelley was called and showed up as well. After determining that my water was officially broken I was transported to Vanderbilt Medical Center via ambulance.  I had never been in an ambulance before and it was definitely an experience.   We entered through the emergency door and Baby LJ and I were immediately placed on a monitor.  Throughout this whole ordeal, Baby LJ seemed unphased. His heart rate and vitals remained stable and the doctors determined that he could remain in my belly until I reached 34 weeks.  That day is today. I would have been in the hospital completely stir crazy for 8 weeks waiting for this day to deliver my son.  God had different plans for us though.

After being monitored for 20 hours straight, I was moved to my "8 week permanent home".  My husband and mom tried to make it as cozy as possible, but it was still a hospital room.  My depression got even worse. 

On March 16, I was given the glucose test and failed miserably.  This made matters even worse.  My thoughts were....I'M IN A HOSPITAL FOR 8 WEEKS AND I HAVE TO BE ON A DIET, THIS SUCKS!!.  And I was angry.  I was so angry, especially with God.  I prayed and prayed asking that my son be born in June happy and healthy. Then I prayed that I would pass my glucose test. 

Then the night of March 16, my husband decided to return to Clarksville to get some rest.  He had to return to Nashville at 6 in the morning, because the status of my pregnancy had changed and quickly. 

During the night, I felt pressure in my lower abdomen, and it was unfamiliar to me.  I called the nurse and she immediately called the doctor.  The doctor checked my cervix and said that all was clear.  However, after returning the restroom, I relayed to my nurse and doctor that Freddie and Jason have entered my womb and it does not look pretty.  I was immediately moved back to the monitoring room in labor and delivery. 

The story of my son's delivery and birth will be up tomorrow.....STAY TUNED!!

The Beginning

I'm ready to share his story.  I'm ready to tell the world about my sweet miracle baby, but I must start from the beginning.

In October of 2011, we found out we were pregnant.  We didn't have any difficulty conceiving.  We had been trying to conceive for three months, and BANG....we were pregnant.

My pregnancy went smoothly.  Naturally, being pregnant for the first time was an experience and I was scared most of the time.  I tried taking people's advice to "enjoy the pregnancy", but it was difficult. I'm a natural worrier.  It's what I do.  So of course, I did what I do best and that's WORRY.  To deal with the worry and journal the pregnancy I began a secret baby blog called landofbabymaybe.blogspot.com


On November 15th, we heard our sweet baby's heartbeat for the first time.  IT WAS SO STRONG AND LOUD.  Tears began streaming down my face when it was confirmed that there was ONE sac and a good strong heartbeat.  God is SO GOOD, I thought to myself.  I turned to my husband who was smiling from ear to ear, and I continued to weep softly.  The love my husband and I have for each other manifested itself into a sweet little sac with a heartbeat in my womb, and it was beautiful.

My monthly appointments continued to go well.  I had routine ultrasounds and monitoring of the heartbeat, and on December 7th, we announced our pregnancy to the world.  It was not only announced to our school faculty (I'm a teacher), but my husband and I announced to the internet via Facebook. We were overwhelmed by the amount of congratulatory wishes on our pregnancy.  We couldn't have been more excited to share our bundle of blessings to the world.

Christmas of 2011 was extra special.  Our families blessed us with many gifts that were baby centered, and we couldn't help but imagine what the next Christmas would be like for us as a family of three.  We laughed as we thought about the fact that this Christmas was the last for us to receive gifts and that our sweet baby would be the center of attention from here on out.

In January, we found out the sex of our child.  While visiting the Love My Baby Bump 3D spa, we were told that our bundle of love was a BOY!! We were ecstatic, I had a hunch that my baby was a boy, and to have it confirmed was truly AWESOME.  My father, who had longed for a son, cried as he saw the image of his grandson on the screen.  My husband was truly in shock and was totally speechless.  My mother was just in love with the baby on the screen and screamed with delight after hearing the announcement, she immediately called my sister to share the news with her. I could hear my sister screaming through the phone. .  It was good times for all.  Unfortunately, my father-in-law could not be in attendance, but he was called to hear the great news, and he was beyond HAPPY.  My mother-in-law and sister-in-law were so excited as well.  Happy feelings were flowing all around. 

February was a big month for the Johnson Family.  We were approaching the half way mark of our pregnancy.  And on February 10th we had our 20 week ultrasound.  It was supposed to be Feb. 3rd but there was a mix up between my Ob-Gyn and the Imagining center.  The hubby met me after school at our appointment, and we sat and laughed talking about our sweet boy and his activeness.  We were so excited to see him again, and hear his sweet heartbeat.   We went in for our ultrasound and waited for the our disc to take home. This is NOT what happened. 

After our ultrasound, we returned to the waiting room, and were called back to the ultrasound room shortly thereafter.  Immediately, my heart SANK.  Literally it sank to the floor!!  The radiologist told us that my cervix was shortened and that I was leaking fluid, and we needed to report to labor and delivery at Gateway Hospital.  We grabbed our things, and my husband drove like a bat out of hell towards the hospital.  The hospital was only a few miles away, but it felt like a 200.  We got there, and checked in.  As we drove to the hospital, I called my mom and my best friend, who showed up at the hospital shortly after receiving my call.  My sister was also called, and she began to share with me some research about the procedure she thought I would have to have.

We had to have another ultrasound done, and our sweet baby boy seemed okay.  He wasn't distressed and I wasn't showing any signs of labor.  However, after a exam of cervix, it was determined that I needed a cerclage.  The doctor who didn't have the best bedside manner, informed us that no matter what we decided (either to have the cerclage or not), we would lose our sweet boy. I began screaming and wailing, and then I suddenly stopped.  I got this peace that I had never felt before.  God touched me at that very moment, and told me that everything was going to be alright.  I had the procedure done, and it was found discovered that my cervix was dilated to 2 cm.  However, none of the concerns that the doctor told us were present.  We were relieved and grateful. 

After receiving the cerclage, I remained in the hospital overnight for observation and was released in the morning.  I was on bedrest from Feb. 10 until my next appointment on Feb. 15th, and on that day I was told that I would be on the bedrest until my due date of June 20th.  I was so sad.  I couldn't see my students who I loved. I couldn't visit friends, shop, eat out, drive, or do ANYTHING.  My parents suggested that we move in with them, and we did.  We lived with them for a little over a month, and to say it was interesting would be the understatement of the year.  It was not the greatest time of my life, and having depression during that time didn't have make it any easier.  My month of bedrest and surprising turn events will be in the next post......STAY TUNED!!